Letting go. It’s such a strange feeling when it’s time for your littlest one of the bunch to head to school.
Suddenly it’s like your mourning a loss. But celebrating all at the same time. I’ve had such a hard time with this adjustment. Everything just seems so final, like things are ending. But in the same breath things are just beginning.
This is the beginning of everything for her. The start of friendships. True independence. Living her own life. She’s just getting started. Her personality will just explode and she will have her own life. Let go Momma.
Yes of course I realize that my four-year-old isn’t moving out and getting a job but this is it for me. This was it for kissing boo-boo’s and being number 1. I’m not going to be the weight that holds her world together and makes the sky come up. I’ll still hang the moon but in the background now. Let go Momma.
I’m sad that I won’t get as many hugs and kisses. That I won’t hear that cute little lisp that stumbles over words when she gets excited. I am sad that she won’t want to grasp my attention every second. The tables will turn and now I’ll be clamoring for her attention and hanging on every articulated word. I’ll be glad for those rare moments when I get that hug or that kiss. I relish in the words, “mommy I want you to tuck me in please.” Of course, I realize these things won’t stop overnight but the domino effect has started. Things are tumbling from here and she’s not my littlest little anymore. Let go Momma.
But, in the same moment that I feel all these sad feelings I am overwhelmed with joy at the fact that this same little girl is about to become her own person. She’s going to make friendships and find out what it feels like to be on her own. She gets to feel that freedom of not having me hovering behind her always. A freedom she has honestly never felt. She is going to learn to do things without my help and find a strength in herself that I can’t help her find. I can’t wait to see her little lisp transform into articulated super serious conversation. I can’t wait to share those moments with her at the end of school when she just unloads every little detail of her day. Let go Momma.
She’s going to learn so much about herself that I just can’t teach her and I am so excited to watch her blossom into her own little self. No longer following her bubba’s every move and jealously watching him head off to school, now she’s going to be headed there too. Making her own moves and finding out what she likes and who she wants to be. She’s getting to start paving her own way and I absolutely cannot wait to see where she heads. Let go Momma.
The next chapter of our lives is starting soon and I finally think I’m ready to let it start. Not so much because I want to, or do I? But for now it’s time to let go. I don’t know what the future holds but I do know that I am going to still be here hanging out in the background for her just like I do for my son cause that’s what mommas do.
Let go Momma.
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